Wednesday, October 30, 2013

7 Days, 6 Nights in Dramaland: Where do I sign up?

I saw the movie Austenland this week (hilarious, by the way). A Mr. Darcy obsessed American woman blows her life savings on a dream vacation at a Regency-themed English resort, complete with corsets, carriages, and actors in tight breeches pretending to fall in love with her. This got me thinking. What if there actually was a Dramaland where K-addicts could indulge their every Hallyu-tinted fantasy? And what would it look like? I imagine their brochure might read something like this:

Door-to-Door Service

The moment you arrive, your feet should never touch the ground. Choose from an assortment of comfy, cartoon-shaped slippers. A bellboy doppelganger of your favorite Hallyu Hero will then princess carry or piggyback you up to your room. Some of our most popular choices include:

The Song Seung Heon Peek-a-boo Carry

The Kim Hyun Joong Yee-haw Hold

The Hyun Binnie You-can-vomit-if-you-feel-like-it Variation

Complimentary Yellow Binoculars

Each room comes equipped with a pair of binoculars and a large, picture window. A seaside room includes unobstructed views of Lee Min Ho surfing and showering from 9 to 5. And even the cheaper, obstructed views promise a handsome, flower boy neighbor that you can innocently peep at to your heart’s content.

All-you-can-eat Ramyun

The resort’s mouth watering menu offers everything from Doughnuts to Ddeokbokki. Cider to Soju. But the specialty of the house is, of course, Ramyun. You can enjoy the delicious, noodly treat in the grandeur of our five star restaurant, a cozy pojangmacha on the front lawn, or have room service delivered personally by the chef (who just happens to resemble the charming curmudgeon from Pasta).

Sageuk Soiree

Step back in time each evening at our Sageuk Soiree. If you’re the studious type, you can explore the library with Kim Boong Do and Sungkyunkwan’s own, Lee Seon-Joon. Wander the iridescent blue gardens with Kang Chi. Or, if you prefer to be treated like a princess, sit in comfort on your royal throne while Kim Soo-hyun fakes a performance on the gayageum. (Gats and Hanbok rentals included in the price of the room, but there is an extra charge for ornamental headdresses.)

A Memorable Anyung

Must you say goodbye? We’ll grab on to your wrist and beg you not to leave us, but release you in the end because that’s what true love does. Just don’t expect us to be happy about it. As your limo winds down the drive, a line-up of Prince Lee Shin, Master Joongwon, and A.N.JELL Hwang Tae-kyung will fall to their knees shouting “Kajimaaaaaaaa!”

Please call 1-1-1-1 for more information on our Dramaland packages. We want to make your stay Daebak, so please leave any suggestions for improvement in the comment section below.

1 comment:

  1. This entire post is brilliant! I laughed my ass off. I too enjoyed Austenland. I saw a pre-screening with a Q&A with entire cast after and it was great fun. Discovered the Jennifer Coolidge is the funniest human being on and off the screen. Thank you for the great post. I may have to repost it to some friends that I know would get a huge kick out of it.